brynplusplus: (Default)
[personal profile] brynplusplus
The other reason I am so mad is that my name is Bryn because I decided (in 7th grade or so) that I was Sorshella Bryn Alton y Ardais. That is to say, when I realised I was myself and not this nebulous person who doesn't really exist named after our body name -- when I realised I was me and separate and unique, a snowflake in the blizzard -- I named myself after Darkover, because I loved it so much. I was an Alton because they had the scary dangerous telepathic powers (they can kill people WITH THEIR MINDS which is just awesome) and I was an Ardais because they were catalyst telepaths, which meant that they made latent telepaths active. I really liked the idea of being someone who could kill people with an angry thought and unlock things which were locked up.

But I was also an Ardais because of Danilo Ardais in The Heritage of Hastur, which was my favourite of the books. Danilo is a teenage boy (14 or 15) and he is harassed and tormented by Dyan, who is a relative of his (an uncle or something) because Dyan really really wants to fuck Danilo and Danilo says 'No' and Dyan is not the sort of guy who takes no for an answer. And since it is Darkover and people have psychic powers, the way he doesn't take no is that he psychically tortures/rapes/assaults Danilo until Danilo attacks him, and then Danilo is sent home in disgrace for attacking an Important Person and his life is ruined.

Except in the book you see all of this from the outside, from Regis who is Danilo's friend, and who doesn't understand why it is his friend is getting more and more angry and volatile, and is sure Danilo must have had some kind of good reason for the attack, and eventually hunts Danilo down in his family home and finds out the truth -- which is when the reader finds out what Dyan has been doing all along and how awful it is. And then there is a wonderful scene with hugging and telepathic intimacy and ponies (maybe not really ponies) in which Danilo and Regis are Best Friends Forever (and happy gay male lovers, too) and it is wonderful.

When I read it in 7th or 8th grade it was especially wonderful because I could imagine that maybe one day someone would notice what was happening to me/us, and then there would be hugging and intimacy and ponies, and then whoever it was fucking us would get yelled at for it, and most importantly I would have a Best Friend ever afterwards who wanted me to be with them always and I would never be alone again.

Here is what the author of that lovely scene which I kept as a happy fantasy for so many years had to say about it all:
My message, of course, had not been intended to give aid and comfort to Gay Liberation; the message, if any, had simply been that no one can live and be healthy without self-knowledge and self-acceptance, whatever form one's own differences may take. I am not a crusader for anything except the right of everyone to be what he must be, without being brutalized by the opinions of others. I regard Dyan Ardais, not as evil, but as unhappy, a man desperately at the mercy of his own misery and his own obsessions; and Dyan's tragedy, I have always felt, was that he did not come to know Regis well until he had destroyed himself irrecovably in the younger man's eyes.

Doesn't that just make you want to spit?

Date: 2014-07-12 05:23 pm (UTC)
disastrously: A fox, with a piece of bread in his mouth. (Default)
From: [personal profile] disastrously
OMFG fuck that. *Spits right in her eye* And we liked her books growing up too! Not Darkover as we never read those, but others and ooooh I am pissed off so much now.

And you are awesome. *Hugs*

Date: 2014-07-13 11:06 am (UTC)
tigerweave: (Default)
From: [personal profile] tigerweave
Yeah this too :-(

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Bryn (Plus Everyone Else!)

December 2015

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