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I am a little melancholy today and some old things are back... there was kind of a fight last night or at least a moment like that and so the space is a little different. When it is like this it is hard for people (especially Cassandra) to just let me be my age, it seems like too big of a risk I guess. She is trying hard to give me room, though. We wrote her boyfriend together and that helped. But oh I feel the weight in my eyes and it would be so much easier to go hide right this minute than sitting here and typing.

In the body life things are nice, our partner is home from work today so there is someone else here with the both kids and we got to sleep in which was really badly needed after last night, and after we got up he made everyone (us and him and our daughter) a really delicious breakfast; scrambled eggs with emmenthaler cheese which Cassandra really likes and potatoes cooked with sun-dried tomatoes and shallots and spices. It was really yummy. Now he and our daughte are making butterscotch brownies from a mix, which is kind of nice but they are arguing a lot and it is hard to just sit and listen to them argue and not try to fix it.

Yesterday we went to the library to drop off a big stack of books and let the kids play some in the children's room with the puzzles. Since it is the library we were going to get a few books, but really just a few, they were carefully planned... but when we got upstairs people kept seeing things they wanted, like I thought, this would be a good time to try reading Heyer and see if I like it because why not? And then someone wanted a book by Anthony Bourdain and Nicholas wanted to read this biography of James Beard (we all thought that was very funny, Nicholas does not eat often, he is a place who is learning to be a person) and so next thing we knew we had this huge stack of like 10 books and then downstairs I found four or five CDs I wanted. Then we went into the kids room finally so they could play and we told our daughter, "Just three books!" And she vanished in the shelves and came back with her cart full of books, like 10 or 12, and we said, "We said just 3!" And she said very seriously, "Well, the thing is, Mommy, 3 just isn't enough." And there was this moment when Cassandra was going to kind of put her foot down, because it is hard to keep track of all of our daughter's library books and it gets expensive if they get lost, but then she saw the big stack of our books and said, "I have no ground to stand on," or something like that.

It is clearing up inside here some, I spent all morning talking to Shandra (she is in Cassandra's boyfriend's system, like Avalon and David's other girlfriend who is Marai's mother) and that actually helped a lot. And the weather here in the body is beautiful, so I think we are going to go outside.


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Bryn (Plus Everyone Else!)

December 2015

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